Saturday, June 24, 2006

Me and Bridget

Yeah so I should not be allowed to have chocolate cake and watch Bridget Jones's Diary. I mean really make me feel like crap. And to top it off make me fatter. I have to get back onto my diet. Darn this movie. Oh and her beign 130/40 some odd pounds is really not that fat fyi. I want my own Colin Firth to come and take me away. Really I mean it could happen right?

No not for me. I must have done something wrong in a previous life because I can't seem to get anything my way now. I mean I must have been a really bad person back then. Oh so wonderful my life is.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Life becoming normal?

I don't really think its possible for my life to be normal. I mean really. Come on its me. So yeah still looking for a place. Thats going oh so well. Looked at about 4 places now. I really want one, but it seems like I won't get it since there are like 20 other people looking at it and I highly doubt they would want me over all the others.

On another front I am working three days next week. Which is really good, but we are going to have like 70 background. I mean thats scary to think about, I mean Rob and I are not super great at this yet. We still are having little issues here and there. I sure hope it all goes well. I think if we can handle that then I can almost be considered to be a real background person. I hope that I make some real great connections with the crew so that I can work again. I sure hope that after this movie I can get my own work.

And on the last front I have no clue what is going on. I mean honestly I don't know if we are more than friends or not. We have yet to spend any time with each other outside of work. To me that is not a relationship. I know he said he wasn't looking for anything serious, but he gave the idea that he wanted to spend time with me outside of work. Well whatever, I'm not exactly going to cry my eyes out. I like him as a friend and I guess that is what we will stay. Hey at least I get a ride out of him to work all the time, it could be worse. So I keep looking, isn't that like my life? I have lived this long without a boy, why can;t I wait any longer?

Eventually my life will get together. I just have to give it time. And we all know how patient I am. Yeah not so much. I'll keep it updated.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The wedding is finally over

Finally, the craze that has had hold of my family for the last 2 years is finally over. Jenn and Jeffs wedding, which was lovely, was the most over thought, over priced, over done wedding. I love them both dearly, but I think it went a little too far. All this craziness for not even 12 hours of partying. I'm just glad that its all over and we can totally get back to all of our lives.

Now my focus is on finding a job, an apartment, and a life. So much fun! I have been searching for an apartment for a little while now. I can't believe that no one ever gets back to me, I mean how do people do business? I drives me crazy. The whole job thing will be ok, I mean I think Rob is going to try and get me a couple of days on his new job, and then I'm going try and get some work from Chris' friend John. I really hope I can get some real work. Well enough of me bellyaching, I know I can do it so there is no problem. I just need to get it done.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sex and the city was right

After watching many episodes of this show I totally understand why it was so popular. Its so right. In one Carrie says that in New York there are three major things you need while living in the city. A good apartment, a good guy, and a good job. The only problem is you can't have all three at the same time. After living here I totally get it now. I seem to have the guy portion right now, but the apartment and the job are kind of duking it out right now. I'm not really sure which one will win. I'm also not sure which one I want to win. I would like a nice apartment, but I would also like to actually have a job.

Who knows which will win. Although I do hope they figure out soon! I need one or the other as soon as possible!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Ok..better now

Yeah I'm over that little freak out that I had. I found out that he was working in an area that he actually has to pay attention to. So now that I'm a little better we are going to try and keep these freak outs to a minimum. I know they are bad and in general guys are not fans of them. Especially guys that are freaked out about defining what we are.

Oh you are noticing how early I am up. Well that is a good question. Today is my grandfathers 80th birthday. I am leaving for Jersey to catch a ride with my cousins down to Atlantic City. Z got out of it kinda because she is under age and it would be really really boring. Plus we are meeting with tons of my grandparents friends so since I know I am going to be super bored I could only imagine Z. I actually lobbied for her to stay in ny while I take the long ride.

Well I'm off. Its good I'm not seeing him today. Give some forcced space so he can see that he might want to spend some time with me. Its all good.

Saturday, June 03, 2006


For some reason I have really felt like writing often. I guess it helps me get out my thoughts and feelings. Right now I am sitting at home, alone. It makes me sad. Its hard that the new boy has not really called today. I am trying not to be clingy and needy, but it is so weird that every other day I get tons of texts and then today I get nothing. I feel kind of used, but not because of what we talked about what he is looking for and what I am looking for. I wish I didn't care about if he thinks about me or not. I want to be able to live my life and not think about him at all.

I wish I had a little more of a life. I want to work, that is the annoying part. I want to get out there and be a hard working person. I want to make my parents and family proud of me. I want to show them I can live here without their help.

There are so many things I want to change about myself. I think I can make this happen if I really want to. I just have to focus. And whatever happens with the boy I'll deal with as it comes.

Boys are confusing

Yeah I really don't get boys. They confuse me a lot. So...... new boy decides to tell me that "right now i am not really ready to have a serious relationship i just want to date more though" He says its because he is very busy with work and I go ok. I know this up front and its good to know, but then he turns around and says.."will see what happens u never know what comes about when u get serious with someoene"

Anyone else confused? Because I know I am. And then we talk more about it when we see each other and he says "its not like I want to date other people, its a time issue" So I guess he is into me? I have no clue. So I think it might be safe to say we are dating. I think, please don't quote me on that.

I guess just becasue I am 21 he thinks that after one date I want him to be my boyfriend. Nope sorry, doesn't quite work that way. I mean honestly, didn't we leave high school a long time ago? I know it has been at least 3 years for me and even in high school I wasn't "high school". Personally I "date" someone for a month or so before I even have that little talk. I like to give things a chance and see how they will unfold. Oh yeah last night he used the "you're young" card. I was like are you kidding me, if you knew me better that phrase would not be coming out of your mouth.

Anyways, I could always use some advice on how to better understand boys. I figure he is just afraid to define anything. The good thing is he isn't looking for a friend with benefits kind of deal. He is acting all boyfriendy just without the title. Whatever, but I will say after a little while, say a month or so, we will see if anything is changing. You know me, I will give him a chance for awhile, but after that I will be like or we are either together or we aren't pick one. We can still be friend (not the benefits kind either), but I would like to know in what direction we are heading. See I try to have a good head on my shoulders...sometimes it just doesn't work.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Didn't take very long

Yeah we know me and of course it did not take very long to make a fool of myself in front of Robert. Yeah I'm that talented. So I was a little sad that He hadn't called me yet. I know he was working late and such but I hadn't got a text in awhile so as usual I over thought it. So I send a text to Jake saying boys suck, you know normal Lana craziness that Jake totally understands. Later in the night Jake and I chat about our days and his opening. Fun fun. Well later in the night a certain boy calls. Of course I am happy so I text Jake because I know he is out drinking, I tell him "boys don't suck so much. he called yay!" Well Robert called me back when he got home to talk and he mentioned I send him a text. I figured it was one I sent him earlier that happened to take forever.

No, I'm not that lucky. Apparently I'm so talented that instead of sending Jake the text I sent it to Robert. Oh and after about 3 seconds he figured out who the HE was that called. I almost died. Really I almost did. I do not know how to make this better. So we talk for a bit more.

Pretty much totally embarrasing. I don't really know if I can top that one. Well, just give me some time, I usually surprise myself.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

So I've graduated

So its been awhile since I last posted. A few things have happened. None of which I thought would happen. Lets see last time I posted it was the beginning of April and I was still at MTV.

ok so middle of April classes are slowing up I'm spending weekends in CT. All pretty normal. Then at the end of the month I decide to ask my cousin Ken to get me a Production Assistant (PA) job on his set. So he tells me call me when you have no classes. Ok I say. Cut to Last class. I call Ken he sets me up with Tbone, yes his nickname he goes by is Tbone. I show up three times to set to work. He signs me up for two more days. One of which is the day before my cousins wedding. I'll get to that later. Anyhoo so first night I work Ken is also there. Well then Tbone calls me for another day that my cousin is not actually working, I'm happy because that means hey they like me enough to not have me only work when Ken works.

So night two I meet Robert. Yeah yeah come on its me, there has to be a guy at some point. Hes cool, we chat pretty much on and off all night. He gets me ice cream. Then we wrap at like 5 or something and I'm all ready to catch the subway and hes all like" I don't think I like that". I'm kinda like ok, well I've only known you for like 12 hours so what does it matter. He says if I wait he will take me downtown closer to my place. I think he is super sweet. He gets my number. Ok lala day goes by he texts me and we text back and forth all day. Nice I think. We work together again, nothing happens, slightly confuses me but whatever. Then the next week we text everyday again. Blah blah blah. Still waiting for this to fall on its face because A its me and b its me. I'll let you know if anything super good actually happens.

Well after working, I graduated from college. Yeah fun times. So I'm done with that. Its crazy. I feel so surreal. Its like I don't have the obligation of school and I'm not really working yet. I feel so useless. I hope I can start really getting some jobs and working for real.

Well I think thats about it. I am slacking today and I don't really feel like writing more. How about we hope that I actually get a job so I won't be spending so much time home alone. I so need a life.